More Than Just a Pirate
by awilliamsbbc.98
Summary: Two times Killian gets drunk and the two heroes who come to give him hope in the darkness. Set in the Dark Swan arc of season five. CaptainSwan with a side of CaptainCharming friendship. Sad with a dash of hope.


_The first half is set directly after Emma is taken by the darkness in 4.23/5.01 but before the team goes to find her. The second half is shortly after Killian tries to use True Love's Kiss to save Emma and fails. Sad with a dash of hope._

He stumbled half blindly to the end of the dock and let himself sink down onto the wood, legs dangling out over the ocean. He hadn't been this drunk in a very long time; not since he admitted to himself that he had feelings for Emma. And where had that gotten him? Sitting alone on the docks, his boots getting soaked with salt water.

Emma was gone; consumed by darkness. After everything he had done to become better, to let the light back in Emma was the one taken by the darkness. It wasn't fair; Emma, his swan, his saviour should never have been tainted by such evil. He downed the rest of the bottle, trying to dull the pain of her loss, but it didn't work.

She loved him. Finally she'd said it, and then disappeared in a sucking vortex of evil. _Villains don't get happy endings._ Despite everything he had done to become Killian Jones again he was still Captain Hook; he was still a villain. Emma was his happy ending and she had been destroyed, like everything in his miserable life.

He stared blankly at the horizon. "What's the bloody point?" It seemed the universe had no answer for him. In a sudden rage he smashed the bottle against the dock, shouting his pain and loss at the dawn sky.

"She'll be okay." He hadn't heard David approaching and jumped when the prince sat down beside him.

"You actually believe that?" Incredulity made his voice rough but David didn't seem offended.

"I have to. Finding each other is what this family does."

 _This family?_ "It isn't the finding I'm worried about. She's the dark one now; I spent two hundred years hunting the bloody crocodile just for his evil to take away the woman I love again."

"So you love my daughter?"

Had he been sober Killian might have tried to take the words back, but as bad of an influence as alcohol had once been for him it had always made honesty easier. "Aye, that I do. I don't expect your approval either; I'm just a pirate. I know she deserves better."

David was silent for a long moment. "How far would you go to save Emma?"

"As far as I had to. I spent two hundred years trying to kill Rumplestiltskin; I would spend forever trying to save Emma. I will cross whatever realms I must and search for a way to save her until my death and beyond. If there is any chance of getting her back I will take it."

David offered him his hand. "Then you are far more than just a pirate. I've seen how much you mean to Emma and now I've seen how much she means to you. She's a grown woman and you never needed my approval to court her, but you've earned it."

"Thank you." David got to his feet and nodded to him.

"Regina has an idea for finding Emma, you might want to sleep that rum off." Killian nodded and watched the prince stride away with the same sense of purpose his daughter possessed.

He stared out at the grey water which was slowly beginning to reflect the light of the rising sun and blinked back tears. He had never expected Emma's family to accept him, much less approve of him, but David's words did little to fill the emptiness left by Emma's absence.

 _Six Weeks Later_

He was drunk again. He had tried, really he had, but after Emma hadn't changed back from the Dark One when he kissed her he lost hope. Belle tried to tell him that it was complicated with Dark Ones. The kiss' failure didn't necessarily mean anything other than the evil inside Emma was too powerful, but Killian couldn't rid himself of the fear that it was for another, darker reason.

He knew he loved Emma with all his heart; he hadn't thought it was possible, but she had overcome him completely. But Emma, perhaps the trouble was that she didn't love him. It seemed a joke cruel enough for fate to play on him. To give him a chance at a happy ending and tear it away because she didn't feel the same way.

He found himself standing at the end of the dock again, staring into the murky water and uselessly trying to drink away his pain. Without Emma what was the point? He had found her again in Camelot, believed he could save her, and all for nothing. All to lose her to the darkness and he couldn't even remember how. She 'd said they all failed her; he had failed her, but the fact that he couldn't remember failing her tormented him. Her presence, once so comforting was now unbearable; she wasn't his Emma, maybe she never had been. Regardless he knew he would always be hers, even in darkness.

"Killian?" It was Emma; not Emma as he had last seen her, dressed in black and full of hatred, but Emma as he remembered her best, smiling with a cascade of blonde hair escaping a messy ponytail.

"Go away. You're not her."

"I am; for now I am. In the morning you'll blame the rum." She smiled at him, gentle, her eyes filled with light. She was so like his Emma that he couldn't resist and pulled her to him. He buried his face in her hair and sobbed as she wrapped her arms around him.

"It didn't work," he choked out through the tears. "The kiss didn't save you."

"I know. It isn't for the reason you think. I love you, Killian, don't doubt me. I'm not the one who needs to be saved. I have to be the Dark One for now, until I can put everything right. Please forgive me for that."

"I don't understand." He pulled away, afraid of some trick. Her eyes were filled with tears she wouldn't let fall,

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I can't let you save me yet; not until I save you." She took his hand in both of hers. "You told me to trust you, now I'm asking you, please, just trust me."

"I do. It's the Dark One I don't trust."

She smiled and kissed him. "I know, it won't be long now, I promise. Now, go get some sleep, you need to forget this conversation happened. i won't take your memories, I trust the rum to do that."

"Please don't leave me." He knew he was pathetic; begging her to stay but he didn't care, for a moment he had his Swan back, but now the moment was ending and he couldn't stop it.

There was sadness behind her smile as she let go of his hand and stepped back. "You'll see me again soon; be patient." She vanished in a swirl of magic and Killian sank to the ground a cired as he had not cried since the night of Milah's death.

He woke hours later, cold, stiff and mysteriously back in his cabin aboard the Jolly Roger. His head ached abominably and the previous night had blurred and stretched in his mind until he was unsure what was true and what was a dream. Still, he remember Emma's hands on his and the glint of her hair and smiled. She was wrong; he remembered enough to have hope again. He remembered enough to keep trying and to know that no matter what he would love her and could trust that she loved him. Killian Jones smiled and went to face his day.

 _Hope you enjoyed, let me know! :-)_

 _A_


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